Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
