his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
