it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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