glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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