Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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