the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
