I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
