i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
