I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
