i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
