so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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