I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
