It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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