I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
