East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
