We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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