Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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