Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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