this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
