yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
