I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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