(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
