She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
