you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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