hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
