she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
