Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
