I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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