never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
