it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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