we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
