oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
