Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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