I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
