The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
