If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
