in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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