All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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