In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
