you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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