I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
