Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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