I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
