yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
