there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
