I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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