I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she peed on how many people?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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