she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
