I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
