this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
