y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
