The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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