Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
