Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
