Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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