I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
