guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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