So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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