roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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