so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
