Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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