I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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